I’ve been separated and now divorced for 2 years and in that time I have embarked on some dating via an online website. There were a few rebounds and in one case a surprising friendship has formed. But I got dating fatigue and in all honesty, learning to live in a world without the ex, a world of motherhood and a world of being fulfilled as a single person and rediscovering me again has been what’s made me happy. Happiness is just being me and her.
However, I got pneumonia over December and have been a very poorly hermit for a few months. So, to give me a boost, I decided to join a well know online site again. The aim was to have a few fun dates, or funny ones, go to nice places and just get a general confidence boost and pick me up after being so ill.
There are some right rotters and fakers online. Dates are arranged and cancelled (although I’ve been guilty of that too!), some men seem to think that photos of their torso or cock really sell themselves to women. It just makes me think- #arrogantignoramusonlyaftersex. Clearly there are women out there who are the same but not me! I’m not doing it for a shag but a possible relationship as meeting people the old fashioned way proves tricky. Especially if like me, you’re never out due motherhood or pneumonia or when you have been out the people you attract are way too young or judgement is blurred due to booze! So, ‘looking for a relationship’ was what I stated on my profile. It seemed to do the trick at lessening people contacting you who just want to display their genitals. Haven’t these people heard of a digital footprint?
But after 3 dates, date fatigue had started to set in again. The novelty had worn off and the feeling that my time was being wasted crept in. Especially when I swear the last guy was gay! And if he wasn’t, then sweet baby Jesus, he had the weirdest, campest affectation with his mouth! Lovely guy but could not get passed it!
But last week something happened. Someone contacted me and instead of polite and perfunctory messages, which bored me, I found myself writing long, meaningful messages because something clicked. I wanted to ask probing questions not the obvious ones and discover more about him and he me. We arranged a date and for the first time ever I was excited and nervous for a date.
We hit it off instantly and there was no uncomfortable silence as I felt like we knew each other a bit anyway. He’s creative, charming and a doting father, which I find a sexy quality now I’m a mum- we both shared stories of our daughters, who are obviously so important to us as demonstrated by our mutual pride in our stories. And as an added bonus he’s gorgeous and I don’t think he knows quite how much.
The date ended in a kiss. He walked me to my car and as we were saying goodbye he nervously uttered, “should I go for the kiss?”. “Yes- go for the kiss”, I said. So we did. It was super sexy and made me feel all tingly. Once we got home we continued to text each other and date number 2 arranged. I haven’t felt this excited about what’s to come in ages.
But what are the rules, if any about the new world of dating? We’ve texted each other every day since then, just like we would have messaged online every day. Is it overkill? If I’m not careful will that become tedious or stagnate? Once upon a time over 10 years ago when I last pursued a relationship there was no texting! You waited patiently and maybe spoke once to arrange the next date. Actual real life speaking on a landline phone! But this world of virtual media and the instantaneous world of texting and Whatsapp makes people feel connected. I feel like I know him and catch myself daydreaming about him. And that’s nonsense and I know it- I’ve met him once and for all I know he could have a ‘few irons in the fire’ and loads of dates lined up, as is the nature of online dating.
So, any help with confirming the ‘rules’ would be greatfully received. Maybe there are no rules? Maybe I will just make them up as I go along. But one things for sure, the excitement of possibility is a giddy feeling I’ve not felt in a long time and I’m intrigued as to how it will pan out.