Happiness

This summer I realised I was truly happy for the first time in 2 years. It has been nearly 2 years since my ex walked leaving me to be a single parent from the start. It’s now autumn and feel compelled to write about why.

I’m a very reflective person yet it didn’t take long to work out why I was happy.

At the beginning of the summer I split up with a guy I had been dating. It was quite an intense relationship and although he was a lovely guy he just wasn’t right for me. It meant that over my summer holidays I focussed on devoting my time off to the job I actually want to do- being a Mum. My daughters Dad, the perennial part timer took himself off for 4 week holiday so I didn’t have to share her. I loved it. No work, just play with my angel.

And she excelled herself. Lots of fun days out (National Trust rules!), activities and I talk to her incessantly so she is very articulate for a little girl. To the point that she declared herself a ‘chatterbox’. She recently said ‘my talents are singing and dancing, Mummy’. Amazing. She’s not even 2!

I’m back at work now and I’m still happy. Work is always hard but that is another reason why I’m happy. It dawned on me to celebrate my successes. I’m good at my job. It’s hard and I balance it with singleparent hood. I didn’t go under  with stress last year and rose to the challenges despite divorce and everything stressful that goes with it. I am a good role model to my daughter and I hope she is proud and follows in my footsteps to be a strong career woman.

Im also happy because I’ve accepted singledom. I know who I am again and I’m not seeking someone else to define me. My daughter’s Dad is back as chief babysitter and I’m loving spending my time off with my friends and family rather than pursuing dates and relationships with inappropriate people. For the first time in 10 years I’m pleasing myself and putting my wants and needs first which includes raising my daughter how I want to.No compromise. I feel 24 again.

There was a mini set back- the ex announced he was trying for a baby with the ‘the mistress’. My first feelings were rage. Then I remembered how emotionally abusive he was when I was pregnant and after I had given birth and I felt relief. He hadn’t changed, although hope he has learnt from his experiences. She will have to put up with that. She will have to compromise to his demanding nature. She will finally realise the enormity of what they did. They’re not my problem anymore.

My daughter loves ‘Frozen’ and singing along to ‘Let it Go’. I love it too. I’ve let the past go. I can’t change it. I have peace as a result. I have happiness.

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