I find it hard to squeeze in blogging nowadays as a working single mum. My job and my 20 month old are very demanding. However, this week I got a week long sabatical from her whilst she stayed at her Dad’s. Her sleep has been poor of late with sleep terrors, sleep talking and genral neediness for cuddles in the night and I felt too exhausted to go through yet another round of sleep training. “You do it” I said when her Dad moaned and insisted on a new sleep regime last week after she had kept him awake on her weekly stay at his. You could have heard my jaw hit the floor when he agreed. I miss her terribly but the smug bugger has seemingly cracked her sleep problems. Win win. I’m just glad he knows what it’s like for once and that I didn’t have to do it. For once.
So, this week, I have been working late in a bid to get all my school prep done so I don’t have to work my summer holidays. It’s been weird not having to do the nightly bath and bedtime routine and I’m suprised at how long my evenings feel. Even with doing school planning I have had time to come to the keyboard to type somehting for me and not for work purposes.
Whilst looking over my blog I re read the “Bombshell…..” It was the first piece I every wrote and it was lucky enough to get posted on Any Other Woman too. It feels strange reading my words and yet knowing I was in a much different emotional place back then. I’ve come a long way. I thought about the list of dreams for the future I wrote nearly 18 months ago now and thought I would review them. The original list is as follows:
1.Cherishing every day with my daughter and keeping a video and photographic diary of her milestones.
2.A 2 bed little cottage somewhere, which I can furnish how I like. Bring on the soft furnishings and scatter cushions.
4.Swimming lessons with my baby
5.Learning to horse-ride with my daughter
6.Going on a girlie holiday (friendship has won out through all of this)
7.Meeting a man who will spoil me
8.5* holidays (not the travel lodge or hostel)
9.Running a B&B in St. Ives
10.Learning to scuba dive.
11.Re-marrying with a fairy tale wedding day I didn’t do the first time around.
I have actually managed to accomplish 1, 2 & 3. Well, it’s not a cottage but a more gorgeous than most terrace with a massive garden for baby girl. I swim regularly with her but have not done actual lessons with her. In 2 weeks I can tick of No. 6. I am off to Majorca with 2 friends and one of them has become a single parent too so is bringing her kiddies too. Should be fun – villa with a pool and guaranteed sun. Whoop!
As for the rest… time is needed. That B&B has retirement written all over it. As for meeting a man, well I have dated several to know what I want now. The fairy tale wedding no longer seems important. I do know that I want someone to spoil me and I don’t mean with material things. Generosity of actions and words is so important. I want someone who can put me first for once. I’ve discovered I don’t need a man but I would like one as I would like to be a family still as it was something that was taken away from me. So, someone who has family values is a must. But most importantly I want someone who brings out the best in me and makes me and my daughter feel content and carefree. I wonder if that person exists?