I couldn’t sleep last night due to thinking about my ex, my baby’s Dad. I was thinking about what an idiot he is. Since our break up (discover why in Bombshell), I have had to give myself a firm talking to on several occasions about my feelings towards him. I have to communicate with him with regards to our beautiful daughter and am keeping a lid on a myriad of emotions in order to be civil. But one emotion I vowed I would never feel is sorry for him, no matter how often he tries to make out his life is shit.
However, since coming on a long haul adventure to Hong Kong to visit a dear friend, I do feel pity for him. And that’s what I was thinking about last night whilst the aircon whirred in the background and my daughter snuffled in her sleep next to me.
Why pity? Well, I think I pity him because of his pathetic and short sighted choices. No one said being a parent and adapting to how life would change was going to be easy. But in the early days of baby girl’s life, when I was an anxious, sleep deprived mess and she was a screaming baby, I know he thought, ‘is this it?’, ‘life’s over!’. He never tried to persevere or play the long game that I knew parenthood was. But I knew that life wasn’t over but just different and a new adventure with our daughter was ahead of us. It was meant to be a new beginning not the end. I knew that then and I know it even more now, hence my traveling to Hong Kong. I used to go on such adventures with her Dad. Well, he didn’t want to come along for this new adventure in parenthood, so we will do it together the two of us in a different but no less exhilarating way.
It is a totally different holiday to one I have ever taken. I have to be careful about the heat because if I am overheating sure enough, baby girl is. I’m not out getting drunk and am in early doors, but that’s fine as I’m staying with friends and we can make our own fun by catching up. My friends live in an area called Sai Kung. It’s a lovely town by the sea and out of the hussle and bussle of Kowloon or Hong Kong Island. It’s lovely for families and therefore perfect, for me and baby girl to explore.
Jet lag has not seemed to be an issue as I have just gone with the flow with her naps and sleeping. She has been curious and absorbed all the new sights and sounds around her. The locals are treating her as a celebrity with her blond hair and big blue eyes and she is charming the pants off them in return. She is smiling and giggling at them and has even learnt to wave on this trip as she has been waved at so often! ‘Hello!’ I say and wave and she waves with both arms too. So adorable! She has been no trouble at restaurants and will happily join us on my lap with little fuss. She has even learnt to drink more water from her cup because of all the heat – she must be thirsty! We also took her for her first boat trip to the beach, which was her first experience of sea and sand. Her first swim in the sea was in the South China Sea, no less and of course because she loves the water, she smiled the whole while, even though the sea was a bit chilly. Baby girl has excelled herself on this trip and I couldn’t be more in love with her.
So yes, I feel pity for my ex. Sure, she’s cute with him but he has her for such a limted time that he may never see the wonders and joy she brings to others and her alert, gregarious and sociable nature. All the wonderful things she does and her cute expressions he may never know because I have the time and unique relationship to bring out the best in her. It should have been shared. What an idiot. Pathetic. In the wise words of Mr. T: I pity the fool.