It’s 4 am. Baby girl has just woken up and decided that it’s playtime. She has that glint in her eye and that cute smile she has just perfected. Must not look her in the eye. Must not look her in the eye – oh, but she is so gorgeous! Finally, after an hour, she settles back to sleep clamped to my boob. I wake with a start – how long have I dropped off for? God – what if I’d dropped the baby? I relax when I realize I’ve had about 30 minutes more of sleep. Better than nothing.
However, I’m not looking forward to my day. It’s going to be especially hard. The ‘For Sale’ sign went up on my house yesterday and the estate agents have called telling me they have lined up 3 viewings. It is so incredibly sad: I thought it was going to be our family home and I have put effort into making it a home over the years, with little personal touches. But it has too many memories and I’m rattling around in a big 3 bed house, just me and baby girl. So, with limited sleep, I need to clean the house. It’s been a while, since I have had a good clean, what with baby girl taking up all my energies.
Well- the cleaning hasn’t been too bad considering it had to be punctuated with a million nappy changes and baby distraction techniques. And it’s been quite therapeutic. Good job babies love the sound of the hoover.
I suppose it’s not just the house I’m going to move from. Being a Mum has already meant I have moved on socially. A night out? What’s that? Friends have been amazing though, especially those with kids. Their empathy has been wonderful in actions and words. They get it.
I emotionally need to move on too. I have to. It will be unhealthy for me to dwell on being a singled mum. If Mum is happy then baby girl will be happy. Where will my life now take me? Will this blogging malarkey take off? And who says family has to be Mum and Dad living under one roof? I will be strong enough on my own and a good role model for baby girl. I just need to find that 2 bed cottage so I can create a new family home and then I can cross number 2 on the list from my dreams for the future ( see the Bombshell of being an Unexpected Singled Mum). Oh dear Lord! – I’ve just realized another terrible word association with houses for ‘sale’. I suppose I’m technically ‘back on the market’. What a horrific thought right now! And I’m certainly not going to be ‘bought’ by anyone. Any relationship in the future will have to be worth my while and benefit both myself and my daughter. I’m not for sale.